The forgotten Olympic event: the Dorkathlon
The Games are over, everyone emerges from their den of popcorn, greasy pizza boxes and Michael Phelps-induced drool (I don’t know what everyone sees in him…) and NOW WHAT???
I’ll tell you what: the Dorkathlon. The event to end all events. It all started with my friend and neighbor Mary. I believe we were on our way home from kickboxing class one night when I revealed some life atrocity or another and claimed that I was such a bigger dork than she ever knew. And Ms. Mary had the gall to say she could give me a run for my money. Um, that sounds like a challenge to me. And I have so much hidden dork, I knew I could take her down in no time. So I narrowed my eyes and said, “it’s on!”
After that car trip, we met at the block party a few short weeks later and both pulled out our most embarrassing, dorky quirks and matched them head-to-head. But very soon, we each became distracted by others at the party, including our own children, and we decided to put the competition to the side for another day. Well, it’s back and bigger than ever.
Here’s how it will work:
- Since everyone hates Mondays, the Dorkathlon events will be posted every Monday for the next 10 weeks, a la DEcathlon (in case you’re confused, that’s a real Olympic event). The only exception is next week, since it’s Labor Day. Therefore, I will post the event on Tuesday.
- Each “event” will consist of a category of dork potential (i.e. bad hairstyles, taste in music, etc.). Once I have posted the event’s category as well as my own dorky entry, anyone who wishes to compete can post their own dorkyness in the comments following the blog entry. You may only enter once per category and you MUST complete all 10 events, or you will be disqualified.
- All entries will be judged by neutral third parties, i.e. all other ilOve Olive blog readers who do not wish to participate.
- The winner will receive something really great. Gotta work on the prize. Perhaps a tiara of some kind…
- If you have a blog yourself, I encourage you to cross-post the Dorkathlon. All Dorkathlon events will not be password protected so that all may participate. Encourage your blog readers to tune in and chime in! This will be super-fun, but only if we have lots of contestants!!!
OK, here we go. The first category is… MOVIES/DVDS YOU OWN!
Here are the dorky movies currently in my home: Annie, Clueless, Legally Blond, Saved By The Bell Seasons 1 and 2, Brand New Butt (workout video), a VHS tape of Buns of Steel, and Paula Abdul’s Cardio Dance. Yikes.
IT’S ON PEOPLE!!!
25 August 2008 at 1:13 pm
I know that I’m going to lose this event, but I’m looking at the bigger picture:
Winsdor Pilates (VHS) & Gleaming the Cube (VHS).
Sadly for this competition, all our other DVDs are too tragically hipster to qualify.
As for prizes – maybe something truly dorky. Some glasses with the nose taped up? A D&D book? (or is that geeky? or nerdy?) A puffy paint sweatshirt?
25 August 2008 at 1:55 pm
What? Clueless is dorky? Ah man. I guess I’m in. :p
Plus…
Seasons 1-9 of the Simpsons.
Seasons 1 and 2 of Southpark.
Season 1 of LOST.
And the dorkiest of all? The ORIGINAL Forbidden Planet and the Time Machine.
25 August 2008 at 2:59 pm
I WISH I had Gleaming the Cube, I think I wore through my copy when I was a teen, that and Top Gun. Seriously, can I come over and watch it sometime??
Here’s my entries:
Personal Trainer Certification
The instructional video that came with my serger.
The rest are the kids. That’s pretty sad.
25 August 2008 at 3:05 pm
Well, Wafelenbak, I must be extra dorky b/c I’m coveting your South Park, Lost and Simpsons DVDs.
Heather, I’m thinking puffy-paint muscle tee.
Rachel, LOVE that one of your dvds is the training video for your serger. Nice.
25 August 2008 at 3:07 pm
Um, and just to add to my dork potential… I had to look up Gleaming the Cube on imdb. Hadn’t ever heard of that. Should I just take the prize now?
25 August 2008 at 4:09 pm
I guess it depends on your definition of “dork” but I own:
Seasons 1-3 of the West Wing
The box set of Sports Night
Season 3 of The X-Files (with the rest mostly taped off TV)
The box set of the British “The Office”
the documentary “The Fog of War”
Joe vs. the Volcano
Flashdance
Say Anything
Space Balls
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
The Truth about Cats and Dogs
Clueless
The Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy
The Neverending Story (VHS)
The original, unedited Star Wars trilogy (VHS)
25 August 2008 at 4:26 pm
Stephanie, I think the taped-off-TV X-Files is quite dork-tacular. And Joe Vs. The Volcano. Isn’t that Tom Hanks???
25 August 2008 at 4:54 pm
Ok, most of ours are the kids’ as well, but I have a few…
-Tae Bo Cardio Blast
-Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred (quite good)
-Victoria Jackson’s 30 Minute Shape-Up ($1 at Target, not so good)
-Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink (If these are dorky than I am out of the games!), although they are on VHS
- Memento, and the rest are actually Corey’s (Raising Arizona, Dave Chappelle Season 1, Billy Elliot, Life is Beautiful)
25 August 2008 at 5:15 pm
I trump you all with Seasons 1 through 3 of Little House on the Prairie.
And, I can pretty much give you the plot of any episode within 5 minutes.
I’ll take anything chocolate or yummy as my prize.
Oh, I also have a taped-from-TV Stand By Me AND a Max Headroom episode. I lost the Max Headroom t-shirt years ago.
25 August 2008 at 5:45 pm
I need to add one – the Wizard of Oz – come on people – that’s gold!
25 August 2008 at 6:44 pm
Hmm… Let me see – sadly these are in my video cabinet:
Boss Bucks : 9 world class hutns for the world’s biggest whitetails
Antlered Kings : 8 jaw dropping hunts! Plus bonus footage
The magic of duck calling
I also have a learn to sew video from Singer and the instructional video for my Honda – both are not in my video cabinet.
25 August 2008 at 6:50 pm
Oh I need to add these:
Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
Frosty the Snowman
The Grinch who Stole Christmas
These may not be overly dorkish – but the thing is is that I don’t have any children yet and I do watch these anually….
25 August 2008 at 7:53 pm
Heather, I will come watch TWOO any time! I LOOOOVE that movie! When I was little, they used to run it every March on t.v. and that’s where my irrational fear of tornadoes came from. Mind you, I was in relatively tornado-free PA.
Any Sound of Music fans out there? No?
25 August 2008 at 8:19 pm
I have the collection to beat all collections
TheGolden Girls Saesons 1-5
The Ring Two
StarTrek VI: The Undiscoversed Country
9 to 5
The Jacksons: An American Dream
Teen Wolf 1 and 2
The Neverending Story 1 and 2
Little House On the Prarie: Laura’s Wedding
New Kids on the Block: Step By Step and Hangin Tough
Georgel Micheal
The Ultimate Shark Clooection
Willow
A Very Brady Christmas
The Facts Of Life seasons 1-3
Degrassi High The Complete Collection
The Golden Child
25 August 2008 at 9:13 pm
Allison,
I’ll see your seasons 1-3 of Little House and raise your bet to seasons 1- 9!!!
I actually asked for them for Christmas a few years ago. I also would like to list the following:
The Super Bowl Shuffle (1 DVD, 1 VHS for good measure)
The Complete History of the Chicago Bears (we have 2 copies)
The entire series of Anne of Green Gables (ahhhhh!)
Nicholas Nickelby starring Anne Hathaway (why didn’t she win an Oscar for that one?)
Yoga for Pregnancy and Childbirth
The Grind workout video starring that guy that was on the original “Real World” on MTV. This was stolen from my college roommate. Accidentaly, of course!
I would also like to take issue with anyone who think Alias is dorky. Come on! It totally rocked!
-From the proud owner of seasons 1&2
25 August 2008 at 9:15 pm
Just thought I should also point out that I, living in the Chicago area, own Meet Me In St. Louis! : )
Where’s your loyalty people?!?!?!
: )
25 August 2008 at 9:16 pm
Hi everyone – I’m new to commenting here, but I had to jump into this contest because I have Center Stage on DVD. If you aren’t familiar with that movie, I will just say that Peter Gallagher (from The OC) plays a famous ballet teacher and it ends with an improbable 15-minute dance sequence. It’s awesome.
And Allison – re: Sound of Music…I’m going to a Sound of Music sing-a-long at the Hollywood Bowl in a month. 15, 000 people sining Edelweiss…I think I just exploded the dorkmeter!
25 August 2008 at 9:32 pm
Seasons 1-5 of scrubs
Seasons 1-10 of Friends
Tommy Boy
Waterboy
Happy Gilmore
Elmo (for the kids, but still- we have like 10 of them)
I must also put that we did the Netflix watch instantly of Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room and enjoyed it.
25 August 2008 at 10:22 pm
I frankly resent Allison’s confidence that she is the winner. You know there’s nine more events, right??? Ahem… and plus, I think Lindsay totally beat you there.
Amanda, if Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink are dorky, then this world has bigger problems than world peace.
And btw, The Wizard of Oz is NOT dorky – it’s a classic. Do we need to define “dorky”???
I think the hunting videos might be up there… and the Honda instructional video. That reminds me – I have a DVD of how to use my HotSling! Really cool, that one…
I’m afraid my vote (even though it doesn’t count) is for Thekla’s Golden Girls collection. Wow. And the NKOTB! What I wouldn’t give to see that! And A Very Brady Xmas? You’re makin’ me jealous!
Ah, SuperBowl Shuffle, Lindsay. I like that you have it in two formats… just in case one should fail.
Ricky – the Music Box theatre in Chicago holds a Sound of Music sing-along every year. But I can’t say it’s 15,000 people. Oooh, please take video of that and share!!!
Nicole, Tommy Boy used to be one in my regular rotation in high school. That and “So I Married an Ax Murderer”.
Oh, MAN! I can’t WAIT for next week!!!
25 August 2008 at 11:07 pm
Is there any way to increase my dork points seeing that I can sing the entire Golden Girls theme song to compliment Thekla’s DVD collection?
“Thank you for being a friend…
Travel down the road and back again.
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidante.
And if you threw a partay-ay, i-i-invitin’ everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say,
‘Thank you for being a friend.’”
Wow… I think I just embarrassed myself. A little bit more.
25 August 2008 at 11:07 pm
The person with Little House and Very Brady Christmas has my vote hands down!
26 August 2008 at 8:46 am
If we can find the person who owns Labyrinth on DVD or VHS, I think that would be an instant win for this event!
26 August 2008 at 9:00 am
I vote for Thekla, myself! And I love the Sound of Music…I sing Edelweiss to my daughter at bedtime!
26 August 2008 at 9:30 am
I’ve been on the Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg! Love, Love, Love it!
26 August 2008 at 10:06 am
This has me laughing so hard I’m almost in tears… mostly because I can relate to all of these posts (and yes Elizabeth I was singing along with you on the Golden Girls theme song… what next?!) Sadly, we don’t keep any dvds or VHS movies here in the house (I’m sure that will change) so I can’t even compete… but at least it’s a whole list of movies and shoes I’ve watched… several times over… I can relate!
26 August 2008 at 10:59 am
Labyrinth or Tron!!!
We sing Edelweiss and Favorite Things to our girl
And as far as I’m concerned, Christine, you can enter your multiple-viewings even if you don’t own them. Anyone object? I’d hate for you to have to forfeit this early on!!!
26 August 2008 at 12:17 pm
My top dorky video is of 2 shot 8mm films (transferred to VHS) I made in community college. If only you could see them, I may possibly win this category. But since Heather may be the only one to view it, I’ll give brief descriptions.
Film #1titled “Meet Your Meat”: a weird animal rights film involving road kill, packaged meat at Schnux, chickens up for sale at Soulard market, and crazed zoo animals. All to the soundtrack of a very weird Sinead O’Connor song.
Film #2 (don’t remember the title): a pseudo-feminist film involving an abusive boyfriend and a girl out to give him a taste of his on medicine (aka-poison). Can you guess the music? Yes, Ani Difranco.
I know, I know, sounds like they could be artsy and enlightening, right? Oh, but don’t be fooled. They are both super dork city.
I also own the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (which I think makes me cool) and many Dora dvds. Ya know, for the 2 year old.
26 August 2008 at 1:31 pm
Hmm…
All the seasons of Buffy and Angel
All the Lord Of The Rings movies (both regular, and director’s cut.)
All the Matrix movies
Mary Poppins and Rolie Polie Olie (even though my kids don’t watch them anymore, I can’t let them go.)
The entire Anne of Green Gables series
A Disney extravaganza of movie (about 40 of them)
A slew of workout DVD’s I won’t go into…
and the worst part: About 200+ more DVDs (including most of what has already been mentioned. I’m my own stupid blockbuster video) AND about 400 VHS movies that i can’t even watch anymore because my VCR broke – and who has a VCR anymore?
Oh, and Wafel – *I* own both Labyrinth and Tron. Wanna make something of it?
26 August 2008 at 11:43 am
most of these lists had me wondering exactly what qualified as a dorky DVD – LOTR, probably not, that’s more fan-boy / nerd. workout videos, well maybe. but then thekla had golden girls and i knew what a dorky DVD collection looked like. you have my vote for round 1!
26 August 2008 at 12:39 pm
I only will vote for the Sound of music people if they can sing/yodel the entire lonely goat song with a straight face.
And I’m just glad I only buy dvd’s for Ana…and with Jungle Book and Monsters, Inc. as her current favs, she’s keeping us out of dorkdom for a while…Well, then again they might get canceled out by that god-awful Care Bears movie she got for her b-day (I warn everyone, they are BACK with a vengence!).
26 August 2008 at 12:47 pm
BTW, I like that Elizabeth hastens to assure us that “Brand New Butt” is in fact a “workout video”. Sure it is…
26 August 2008 at 1:04 pm
LOVE the goat song! Might be able to sing it, but definitely not without giggling.
And hey, Julie – I do, in fact, have a brand new butt after that dvd. I’ll prove it! Not sure how…
26 August 2008 at 7:31 pm
You have all become my friends now. You are dorky enough to qualify.
I have. The Broadway production of. Jekyll & Hyde.
STARRING DAVID HASSELHOFF.
26 August 2008 at 7:32 pm
and pro wrestling on VHS.
*gasp*
I can’t believe I admitted that.
26 August 2008 at 8:06 pm
The HOFF!!! Sweet. Don’t you just want to smoosh-smoosh that curly hair-o-his???
Welcome to the competish, April. And may I say, I am *quite* pleased with the turnout thus far?!
26 August 2008 at 9:41 pm
Can someone please tell me what Labrinth and Tron are? I feel so left out!!!!!
….If only I was as dorky as all of you……
27 August 2008 at 9:22 am
Ok, I’ll throw myself into the mix.
a) I only own 4 DVDs, one of which is some terrible pilates/body ball thing.
b) Because I own so few DVDs I thought I would share something else. I am an Olympic gymnastics junkie…and one night last week I stayed up til 1 a.m. looking up old gymnasts I used to follow when I was 12 on YouTube. Kristi Phillips, Phoebe Mills, and then more recent ones like Shannon Miller, Dominique Dawes, Dominique Moceanu. I totally geeked out. I didn’t even do gymnastics when I was little.
I think that was really dorky, but out of all the contestants…I think my vote would really be for April’s David Hasselhoff DVD. Nothing can top that. Really.
27 August 2008 at 4:08 pm
I am coming over to Lindsay’s house and then we’re going to sing with Ricky. After that, I am at Kyra’s house ogling Gilbert on the Anne of Green Gables Series.
Anyone have the cartoon version of The Hobbit? It was on TV when I was a wee tyke.
I relinquish my hold on Round One….but be prepared….
27 August 2008 at 8:58 pm
Ahhhh, Allison….Not only have I been on the Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg….get ready for this……For my 24th Birthday my husband took me to Prince Edward Island… to tour Green Gables! You see, I’m a red-head. Anne (with an ‘e’) and I have always had a close relationship. I highly reccomend a trip there for anyone who is a fan. It is such a beautiful place, no wonder she writes so fondly of it! : )
Is there going to be a most dorky vacation catagory? I think I could take it….
I have my next two dream vacation planned as well. A Jane Austen tour of England and a trip to WIsconsin to see theLittle House in the Big Woods.
27 August 2008 at 9:06 pm
Oh Lindsay, how I love thee! Remember when we had finished watching Pride and Prejudice and decided to address one another by “Mrs.” so-and-so. Good times.
28 August 2008 at 5:56 am
Mrs. Frick,
How could I forget! I actually have a group of friends here and that is all we call each other. Started out as a joke but has now become our first nature. I love it! My husband even calls them Mrs. so-and-so. It’s so awesome.
Mrs. Tako
29 August 2008 at 2:10 pm
Oh, I must add to this wonderful dorkfest! My dorky senses are tingling!
Try these…
Seasons 1-4 Gilmore Girls
The Master of Disguise
Overboard (which I can quote by scene)
What About Bob?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Cannonball Run 1 AND 2
The Best of Prime Time Jimminy Glick
The Warriors: Ultimate Directors Cut
The Bishop’s Wife
All DVDs of the Jeeves & Wooster BBC series
Unfortunately the VHS tape of my high school performance for “Battle of the Bands” lipsynch contest is not around. Imagine: Me wearing combat boots, an asymmetrical haircut and running around the stage impersonating the lead singer of the Clash, singing “Should I stay or should I go?” with my tennis buddies. Oh, yeah, we used racquets for guitars. Hell, it was 20 years ago! Still, what was I thinking?!
29 August 2008 at 2:35 pm
oh Laurene… i must say i am tempted to borrow the Gilmore Girls. is that not pathetic? and is it Overboard with Goldie Hawn? if so, awesome.
may i ask WHY TNMT???
now, if we want to get really dirty, i can pull out the tapes my friend Jen and i did in high school and junior high. Jen???
here’s a taste: remember the flying carpet scene from the animated Disney’s “Alladdin”??? well, Jen and I dressed up, got a beach towel, and reenacted the scene in my living room. and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. i’ll let Jen enter the rest if she really wants to expose us.
1 September 2008 at 8:09 pm
I couldn’t resist this contest – hope I’m not too late! This may be the only time I’ll compete in an “organized sport”
~ A Very Brady Christmas – VHS
~ Labyrinth – VHS (you haven’t really lived dorkily unless you’ve watched David Bowie in all his masculine tight glory
~ Pop Up Video – the 80’s – on VHS
~ A Pocket for Corduroy (kids movie)
~ The Parent Trap – the original – VHS
~ That Darn Cat! – the original – VHS
~ Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey – VHS
~ Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi – on VHS and DVD!
~ Several individual episodes of Star Trek:The Next Generation – each on its own VHS tape – purchased, not recorded
~ Several Peanuts/Snoopy videos – not just the basics (Christmas, Halloween, etc) but also including “You’re in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown!” – I collect Snoopy/Peanuts memorbilia
~ Seasons 1-3 of Facts of Life
~ Seasons 1-2 of Wings
~ Seasons 1-2 of Full House
~ Seasons 1-2 of Profiler
~ Seasons 1-2 of The O.C.
~ Food Network DVD “Cooking from the Grill” – came as a gift with some kitchen purchase
~ KitchenAid Standmixer DVD
and, my personal favorite, the tour documentary aired on MTV in 1984 of Duran Duran and their tour – “Blue Silver” – taped from MTV itself with commercials. My dad had to rig the VCR up special to tape it – back in the “olden days” of tv’s only going up so high on the channel list, and cable boxes, and VCRs being fairly limited. But what is dorkier – that I have that or that I have the DVD version on my Amazon wishlist?!?
Of course, many more things that were already mentioned by others but I’ve talked enough
2 September 2008 at 2:05 pm
Ok, just so I can be in the dorkathalon, not because I think I can beat the GOLDEN GIRLS…
*on VHS: Junkyard Wars and Iron Chef marathons recorded off TV
*Star Trek Next Gen Seasons 1-3
*WKRP in Cincinnati
*The Hebrew Hammer (it was a gift; I have never actually watched it)
*Neverwhere on VHS (the Neil Gaiman series)
*The Prisoner
*Bootleg copies of British TV stuff from my friend Rob (all sci fi)
2 September 2008 at 7:06 pm
An interesting Golden Girls story for everyone that involves the Mlitary. My hubby and I had some new friends over this weekend. I was proudly then the details of this glorious competiton, when I was told this funny story. My friend Jon told me that he when he was in the military he and his fellow soldiers got thier work done as quickly as possible to make sure they were able to watch the Golden Girls. What branch you ask? He was a Marine.
I also found two more dorky films for fun. I do hesitate to mention this one becasue it is one of the worst movies ever made, but I LOVE IT!!!
Battlefield Earth
The second one is Office Killer. I highly recommend it. It is hard to find, but it is the best Molly Ringwald movie ever made. Happy dorking everyone!
2 September 2008 at 7:43 pm
Hee hee… Marines think they’re so tough. But now we all know the TRUE story!
4 September 2008 at 5:46 pm
I’ll just mention some things that might qualify…
The entire Battlestar Galactica (the new one, not the old one) collection on DVD
Green Acres DVD collection
Beverly Hillbillies DVD collection
And on VHS, a quantity of Mickey Rourke movies from when he was hot:
9 1/2 Weeks
A Prayer for the Dying
Angel Heart
Barfly
Year of the Dragon
The Pope of Greenwhich Village
Oh, and the complete VHS collection of Pee Wee’s Playhouse!
17 September 2008 at 9:32 am
I taped every. episode. of the X-Files. And filled out index cards (INDEX CARDS!) containing the names of the episodes that were on specific videotapes and stuck them on. And looked up the proper title names on the internet.
So I’m a dork AND I have OCD.